I just spent a short amount of time with someone in your same boat. I went out of my way to do the research and learn about what she was going through, I even went through a therapy session with a specialist in the field to better understand how she felt.
The relationship couldn’t last. She was so unhappy with herself she refused to be intimate no matter what I did to display effort and understanding. There was literally nothing I could do.
I have tremendous empathy for someone in your shoes, and there are men out there that will love you, but that is an impossible ask when one can’t let them in.
I am not trying to make this about me, but imagine how I felt when I would go in for a hug and kiss and she raised her hands and if protecting herself from a predator. Imagine how it felt to have someone I loved that couldn’t be intimate with me because of how they felt about themselves.
It was impossible.
I hope you can find a way to feel better about yourself.